I wished there was a way to wipe those smug smiles across my face...being such a megalomaniac at times.
My sudden heightened feeling of hyperactiveness. The unpredictable tendency of me to go bonkers with rage.
Such extreme tenacious mood changes.Maybe the bipolar's acting up again.
I like love songs like Leona Lewis'
bleeding love on my playlist then the next song playing could be Cradle of Filth's
scorched earth erotica.Maybe that's why I seem to lose focus easily these days.
I think I'm getting back my old-liking of speed.
Too smug, Joker. Too smug.I feel the heat now. The heat burning from my insides.
The good thing is, I seem to like this.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
7:46 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Had the Nationals on Saturday.
Speed individual, A division.
Did the average timing, but it was only for the top 16 that qualified.
I lost to my old friend Kian Hong by 1 sec. Hahaz, I didn't expect to meet up with him over there.
Back to reality: tons of work and revision to be done in lieu of the prelims in 3 weeks.
Gotta push this through once and for all.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
3:33 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I do feel a little sad for those who got blasted yesterday.
For those harsh words, and the previous two posts.
Joker kinda got out of hand.I sincerely apologize to those he's blasted...it's my fault for not controlling him well enough.Well, fear not now, as I'm back to my senses.
At least for the time being...as there can be no guarantees that I won't be fused entirely into him.
I'm still trying to fight it, and I'm not giving up anytime soon.
I just don't want to be agitated. When I get pissed, it'd be lights out for everyone.
You all should know this.
Even I fear it. Peace sells, and hopefully...there'd be people who're willing to buy it.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
9:14 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Ok, maybe my previous blog post was harsh.
People have complained to me bout this.
Maybe I'm being very very childish here.
Maybe I really am a loser.
That's why I'm not staying down anymore.
Time to move on.
In fact, I already did, just that the previous post had to be posted as some people pissed me off by making everyone think that I'm the heartless one.
Maybe I am, but I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Just talked to my 2nd ex gf online. Just got labelled as pathetic, as incompetent, as a total jerk.
I got exactly what I needed.Spurs.That was my agenda all along. My way of getting the strong side back.
It didn't do anything to me other than invigorating me; those words do not hurt, and I don't feel sad nor remorse as the agenda was to manipulate them to spur my other side.
If they mattered, they would've caused me to feel sad all this while.Which, in other words, mean that I'm in fact getting my strong side back.Which, is good news.It was hard to eradicate it the last time, it was certainly painful.
Thankfully, it's not as hard to get it back.
Many say that I'm becoming contradictory...but fret not, that's just because you're already witnessing me changing.
It's nothing really; I can change my heart really fast.
Haven't I already told you?One principle that I've never failed to follow in my life: One should never take things for granted.
They took things for granted for far too many times already. Now, do you still think I'm being harsh?
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
6:13 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I went to see the doctor today for low blood pressure. 2.4 km yesterday in 9.52 minutes caused my head to spin.
Been feeling so damn tired these days. Intense fatigue. Very intense fatigue.
I'm being like some emo loser now.
Lack of appetite. Anti-social. Always lamenting.
Am I becoming some sensitive shithead who goes emo instead of aggro?
I think I'm actually bout to become someone that I hate so much to be.
1. My previous ex-girlfriend in 2006 came to talk to me online yesterday. Said she wanted me to link her on my blog.
Fat Fuck Hope.
2. I'm being labelled as a heartless shithead cause I didn't console my bloody ex-girlfriend when she wanted to skip lessons, and they expect me to be sad.
Fat Fuck Hope.
3. They try to be nice, and have fun. Want me to join in to their fun. Label me again when I don't wanna play.
Fine. Fat Fuck Hope.
I deliberately went to read all of my ex-gfs' blogs. Maybe I am lacking behind the life I'm supposed to be having. I'm supposed to be having fun.
Just maybe.
There's a new sound: Rammstein's Mein Herz Brennt, which literally means 'my heart burns' in German. It describes my current mood entirely. Watch the live version here on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNcQ5VE1vWI
By the way, I just came across a discussion blog on why some women choose to strip by some black american guy, and I came to this conclusion: most women are just so damn money minded that they can afford to let their dignity go.
Silly materialistic bitches really.
Let me tell you something: many guys actually enjoy knowing what all those money-eyed chicks would do for the extra dollar more than getting actually getting intimate with them.
Oh please don't blame the men, if there's a supply for it, there will be a demand. I honestly doubt that men are in the wrong when they go for thrills with chicks; it's the sluts to be blamed for providing the flesh that any Man can't resist.
So don't say that Men are undermining the status of women; we all have a choice to choose what we want to do.
Don't say I'm not being kind; I did, just that some of you didn't appreciate it.
Some of you bitches.
Now I sit down, slowed down, calmed down and thought bout what I'm going to do bout my own life.
I had thoughts of giving up this fight initally. Then something crossed my mind: this isn't the first time all these had happened.
Yet I managed to overcome all those hard times in the past all alone.
Those times were hard. But I am still standing.
Enough of emotions. Enough of excuses. Enough of You bitches.
"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change." -Malcolm X
Now just give me one good reason why I should stop.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
4:03 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I think I've lost much of my confidence.
I feel the dark beckoning me.
I think I've been too self conscious till I've lost quite a part of myself. I've become pretty indecisive.
It's hard to make decisions with two sides.
I'm currently drawn by
Das Ich's Kindgott. Try it here on Vampirefreaks.com:
http://vampirefreaks.com/dasich32 . It's a very dark,morbid and antichrist sound. Makes me reminisce of the old days.
I've been feeling unwell these days, been feeling dizzy for quite a lil while now. I guess it's low blood pressure. Even the nurse said it was pretty low.
The Nationals next saturday. Seemed to have lost all my climbing skills. My speed. My agility. My Pride.
Seem to have lost it all. It's just one empty tank.
But I know I shouldn't back down.
We should Never Back Down.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
5:13 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
My Time has come.
All the times we've spent together. This is already the third time she initiated.
I've told myself after the second time that if it ever were to be a hat-trick, no more apologies.
Well, this made me realise something: I actually had this coming. Over the past week she already gave me hints that she didn't love me anymore.
Like the time she told me to consider taking a break till our exams are over.
Like the time she told me bout her priorities: don't be mistaken, it was never me; it was her friends.
Like the times she never liked telling me where she was going, yet wanted me to trust her. I did.
At this point in time, I guess we'd just be better off this way. She'd always wanted to run away, and today she finally managed to break free away from me.
The girl that I've loved the most. The person that I've been through so much with. The person whom I thought I would last with.
My longest relationship. It all just faded away with a simple message.She just couldn't accept me for who I am, and I've been trying so hard to get her to understand. She keeps beating me down, but yet I still asked her to stay.
I just wanted to be myself, yet You wanted me to be someone else.
No matter what I do, it's never enough for You?I've learned quite a lot from being with her all these while; like being a true gentleman. But at the same time, I've lost quite a lot too.
The truth hits me. Hard or soft, it is still a hit.
'The walls between you and I
Always pushing us apart
Nothing left but scars fight after fight
The space between our calm and rage
Started growing shorter,
Disappearing slowly day after day'-
Older I get by Skillet.
Hate to say this but, I'm going through quite a tough time now. I don't know which way should I go: the good or the bad side of me?
I can feel my heart turning into stone already. But even stone can be brittle sometimes.
All this ends-tonight.
Once and for all.
There's nothing left to say but Goodbye.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
6:29 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Having a bad diarrhoea now.
Woke up today morning and excited for Rockamania at TP, but was feeling drained.
Of all the days, it had to happen today.
I've been having indigestion and gastric for the whole week already.
Went to watch Wanted with Gwen yesterday, turns out to be a totally crap show. I saw Joseph, my ex-geo teacher and one primary school classmate.
I'm pretty disappointed in myself lately.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
11:13 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
