Thursday, January 26, 2006
Beginning to have higher self-esteem nowadays....
Still pondering about the past but there's a brighter future for me....
I lost everything I loved,you know how'd it feel?
But someone else is giving me another chance to open up from my shell...
I have to fight it like a man.Fight for a brighter future.
No room for mistakes this time.Absolutely no mistakes.
Got myself a tag board by the way...let's see if it has any use.
Either you respect or hate me.I don't ever wanna be near average or be in the middle.
Since young I've been like this.This is my own principle.I answer to myself.
I stand for this principle of mine.Call me headstrong or what,it doesn't matter.All I know is that I won't fall for anything else.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
4:11 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Opposite gender attractions are all a matter of taste really.
Finally found someone new to talk to....a person whose preferences are really similar to that of mine....and we managed to break the ice!
She's kinda hostile at first...but gradually it faded.It's complicated.
What everyone needs is a chance to prove him/herself...it's just a matter of who gives you that chance....and under what circumstances we're in...
But her resemblance to my past....shocked the both of us...
In many unnatural ways....it's just so coincidental...
Don't let history repeat itself....Please don't.
Everything just seems so synchronised...just seems too good to be true...
Now things are just a matter of destiny....
Time and opportunities...
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:50 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Days and months passed...in exile.Isolated,forsaken...abandoned.
Liyana said she suffered from depression too,just the way I'm doing so...but she says I'll be fine...
Will I?
What if somethings are destined to failure?
What is somethings are never meant to be?
What is broken can never be whole again....I've to bear that in mind...
What is someone never opens?
What if we're somehow different?
And I've began to notice unnatural habits about myself...
like hating light,hating crowded place,a slightly more than my average fetish for blood,always wantin to be alone....feeling angry all the time but keeping it inside...painfully.
I'm changing,for the better or for the worst?
Do I still know the difference between light and darkness?
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
12:12 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Charmed by someone unknown.
By someone who got so much charm even though I don't know her...
nothing but admiration.
I think she's something like me...
My wish now is to know her....provided if she gives me a chance to approach her....
Patience is a virtue.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
11:46 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
As time pass,I searched for the truth...
Fianlly the truth's out.I know where I stand eventually.
I know where she stands in my heart too.
Now I know what I was searching for...
Another truth's just been revealed.
And I'm happy about it.
Feelings took so long to die,but they've all bitten the dust eventually...
White roses on the her grave...
The last goodbye~
Read in between the lines,people...
I reckon you'll know what I mean...You'll know who I'm talking about...
Gosh.Amaths so bloody hard,should have taken up literature...
Just found out that I love to write bout stuff rather than calculating numbers which makes no sense to me....
I'm such a sadist but at the same time I'm so damn emotional?
Some kind of guy...
Who says guys can't be romantic and emotional while being sadistic?
I'll show you I can do it.
I love challenging human nature.
My Pleasure.
I was born in blood.I live with blood and I shall die in blood.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
4:21 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, January 14, 2006
I guess she read my previous post.
As far as I know,there's no respond.
I don't know what's happening or what should I do.
The feelings come so sudden so fiercely and it overcame my heart's defenses completely.
I'm blitzed by Love.
Should I take the chance to rectify our problem or should I just leave it?
Chances don't come easy and they go with time.
'Seize the day.'
My feelings vary with time.The times are changing so fast and I wonder how long this'll last.
"If you love me,let me know...if you don't,then just let me go."
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
7:30 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Amanda misunderstood....my previous post was about Liyana but the other posts wasn't...
It really fucking wasn't!
In fact,it was all about her if you read carefully!
All about the bond and the love we had built together....
About how much I loved her,
about how much I love her more and more each day!
My 16th birthday was well spent with her...at last I had quality time with her...I was happy...
But this incident broke us both down....and now she's ignoring me...
We've been lying to each other so much...
We both kept our feelings inside and were afraid of letting them out...
Eventually I knew where I stand in her heart...cause she was being really jealous about the confessions thingy.....she still loved me?
I thought she was loving me like a brother all along...
Now I guessed it wasn't so...
But I treated her like a queen nevertheless and I did everything to make her happy...
Now she's ignoring me....
I don't fucking want our bond to break or end...
I want to love her like a boyfriend....and be her sadistic loverboy...
She was my dream gal,and she still is.
My first love that I'll treasure it till the end...
I want to make amendments to the all the stupid mistakes I've made but she doesn't want to give me a chance...
No matter what happens,I'd swear I'd be by her side loving and pampering her.
No matter how she would react and feel...
Never will I let anyone break us up.
NEVER.
I felt so jealous too when she was dating other guys...
but I kept quiet about it and I've learnt to let her go and see her pursue her happiness...cause I love her too much.
I didn't sleep well at all last night.I kept looking at the neoprints we took together and this time I cried.I really cried like anybody else would if they were in my position...I couldn't hold back my tears any longer...
I felt so weak and cold inside.
Amanda Beloved,I need your Love to survive...
I won't ever let pride or anything else get into our way again...ever.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
11:15 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I confessed to Liyana.For the first time.Since the day I'd met her.
But got rejected...and crushed deeply.
I had to tell her,how I felt about her...it's really painful and it's killing me silently.
I'm afraid our friendship will get affected....
I really hope it doesn't...
She says I'm still young and a long way to go....she can't and won't love me.
But does she have any feelings for me at all,for all this time?
Her friend says that I spoke too much bout my past...but I did say so cause I wanted her to understand what I've been through.She also said that age wasn't a matter?
It's such a painful thing to be rejected by someone...but anyways at least I've tried and I guess it wasn't the correct timing...
Many people say that even if you found the correct gal,if your timing ain't right,she won't ever be yours...
I do feel sad and kind of depressed,but there's nothing I can do about it...
Similar situations I've been in before...and everytime I just lose out completely.
So many people despise me in their hearts...
Perhaps I'm just childish and naive that's why so many people look down and despise me....
It's burning right inside of me and I don't know how long the pain will last....
The Joker guy you all see is just an illusion;no one ever even bothered to care about the real me.
No one ever knew.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
7:08 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
These few days been so special....
My heart can at last feel tranquillity....and peace...
I realised I love Her even more than ever....
Hatred got put down eventually,but I know it's only for now.
How long will tranquillity in our hearts last?
The feelings,the truths and the...lies?
We may be closer than ever,but love,like a sandcastle,takes a hell lot of time and affection to build and a split second to crumble...to fine dust.
Even if the sandcastle is being rebuilt,it will never ever be the same special one that I had built with her....
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:18 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Things are real complicated.On both on our sides...
New twists and truths would soon bend...Real soon.
Am I too ambitious?A simple guy,many want me to be?
I can never be simple.I'm either being respected or out of the league.
I don't want to be average and get lost in the crowd.
Some say I'm unique and different,while others despise me like dirt...
It is true human nature to give up,and I like to define human nature itself...
and by being a sadist,I think I'm already getting there.
But I'm already feeling happier already....things been partially settled...not quite complete but I'll just leave it as it is...
Even if I ponder on it,there'll be no ending to it,would there?
It's not right or wrong,it's just a matter of how we feel...and how we react to these uncontrollable feelings to any particular person....
Either I'm your friend or fiend.
Decide.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
5:27 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
New Year's eve.The loneliest day of my life.
I was in nobody's plans.No one gived a damn and well I tried maintaining positive telling and assuring myself that everyone's just busy....and things'll be alright?
Parents went shopping till late and I went to play pool with a friend,even though he wasn't really close but I wouldn't mind...he trashed me at it and I admitted defeat willingly.He went off at bout 6 plus?
I was then left alone till 11.
Tried meeting up with Liyana but she had to go home as she had guests,although she said we could meet for awhile cause she missed me and I did to but I really don't wanna bother her cause it was inconvenient for her...some other time I hope we can really spend time together.Quality time.
Then went to city hall(it was bloody crowded),full of loving couples and my heart tore apart again?
Ate alone,went to Esplanade and saw Joseph?He,his gf and his church friends.
Lucky guy.
Wanted to tag along but he said it was inconvenient,so I remained alone?
I didn't wanna be alone,but such circumstances forced me to....
I didn't bring my mp3 and couldn't blast metal...so guess what I did?
I walked everywhere.I just felt like doing so...From orchard to city hall to citylink and Funan...I walked almost the whole day and never rested;only for dinner which was mere 15 mins.My legs couldn't tire me out?I don't feel a thing in them...
Everyone I passed by,was smiling happily and joyfully.It was going to be a new year...but I just had small tears that weren't visible...
I went home bout 10 plus but waited near 45 min for parents to come back as I didn't bring keys out.My neighbourhood's so quiet...just the usual me and myself.
Despite it being the loneliest day of my life,at the end of the day I just close my eyes and be glad that I actually survived.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
7:01 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
