Hahaz,missed Liyana so decided to message her,she told me she hadn't found a job yet.I told her I missed her like hell,and she said she did too.Told her bout my thoughts as I knew she was someone I could relate to well.Well...she gave me advice...that helped?It did help.Then,I found out that she was from a singled parent family.Her mom was looking after her,just like Amanda.But she's not as problematic.She's curretly stressed bout money,family,job and almost every other thing.She said her mom was trying to control her life,her image and her relationships.
I tried my best to give her my advice.I've encountered such scenarios;Amanda's part.I told her to relate to her mom more often,and reason in a reasonable manner?I suppose,due to her long working hours and the very occasional meeting and interacting with her mum was the key factor that led to this problem.She had said something that shocked me positively? She said this,"Hey,you're really a nice guy,and I'm just so glad that I met you."
I awaited so long for her to say that,and it was just the thing I wanted.She also said she loves me alot.She will be there when I need her.I'll be there too.Looks like my crush on her is getting bigger and bigger.I still can't find the courage to propose.I wonder will she ever accept me.But I don't wish to break her up with her bf.And I don't our friendship to be affect if I do. I don't wish to see it go to waste like Amanda and I did...I really don't wish to.Up to this stage,I have no idea what to do.Perhaps I will just wait.....
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
1:44 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Just contacted Amanda.Coincidentally she dreamt of me being in her nightmare for the first time.Chatted by sms and then by phone.It was so great to hear her voice again.I was relieving my past memories both painful and joyful ones.She withdrew from school and her n-level exam was just in a week's time.Then she hit me with the new crush/boyfriend thingy.She said she'd met a wonderful guy that understands her and whom she understands well too.She said they clicked very well...and that guy has fallen for her.This shocked me.Although I was kinda sad,I was happy at the same time.Tried to congratulate her and wished her all the best when she asked me too...I had to do this using a friend's profile.The thing is that I still have feelings for her...but I know I should let her go...And I did eventually.So glad that she has eventually found the most suitable guy for herself,a guy who's also antichrist and who's older than her by 2 years...a guy whom she can relate to well.Well,as least relating better than me.I hope she had found the correct guy this time,and not make that same mistake again.I'm also very glad to know that she at least still cares for me...hahaz.
As for me,I'm like a floating bottle in a vast sea,waiting for a loved one to pick me up.Absolutely no hope of seeking any gal,even though I yearn for one.Let's hope that,that gal would step into my life as soon as possible,let's just say that I'm confident of that day coming.Let fate decide?
There's a time for love,there's a time to die but No one can escape their destiny or change it.If this is my destiny,let it be.At least I don't go on my knees to beg?
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
1:50 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, August 27, 2005
I've finally know myself to be a nihilist,after so long.Here's the definition of nihilism."Nihilism is the belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. A true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy. While few philosophers would claim to be nihilists, nihilism is most often associated with Friedrich Nietzsche who argued that its corrosive effects would eventually destroy all moral, religious, and metaphysical convictions and precipitate the greatest crisis in human history. In the 20th century, nihilistic themes--epistemological failure, value destruction, and cosmic purposelessness--have preoccupied artists, social critics, and philosophers. Mid-century, for example, the existentialists helped popularize tenets of nihilism in their attempts to blunt its destructive potential. By the end of the century, existential despair as a response to nihilism gave way to an attitude of indifference, often associated with antifoundationalism."-this briefly describes me.Period.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:15 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
So fucked up.Got scolded by my chemistry teacher and her counterpart,the old hagged bitch whom I don't even know her name.Played with fire during the practical.Got warned by that shithead several times.Didn't care.Went over to Sam's table while he burned up a whole stick of magnesium.He accidentally dropped the burning mass of shit into the drain which had a green rubber wired mesh underneath.A small fire started.Cool.Shit.Everyone including me helped out to put it out using water.Those dual shitheads got pissed and shout.I ran and ducked beside a table.Awesome!The feeling was just too thrilling!Laughing like mad!Got humiliated soon after.That hag had fiery in her old sagged eyes...It was the fiery that I wanted to see.
Got lucky soon after.Discipline masters came by.Thought I would be caned.But no,lucky me!I wasn't.That shithead then gave me a lecture,or should I put it this way... a short counselling session?I wasn't even intimidated.Ah...I've read bout psychology before....Hahaha...What could stand in the way now? All those crap again..."Your behaviour in the lab is very disastrous;you are endangering the lives of other pupils;do you have any problems at home?e.t.c." I came prepared,Miss Bitch...but nevermind...At least I acted well.Gave that sad and pitiful side of mine...I knew all the things she was going to ask me...Hahaha...Anwered her even before she had asked me.If I were to be defiant at that point of time,I'll be on the counselling list.
You shitheads,you do not know what you have done...From now on...I'm gonna put on a flawless show...where I'm in control of the backstage...I'll be acting my best and deceiving each and everyone of those dogs.Just wait and see...mark my words well.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
5:21 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Will I ever change?I ask myself this.Time has the answer.Will I ever let religion off?Will I ever let those fools who judge skeptics like me off?Will we ever have peace in the world?Can it be done with or without religion?Are religions the only way to destroy evil?What or who determines good and evil?Is it God or Man?How would a world be like without religion?Will there be peace and stability?Or will there be much more chaos and hatred?Will Man ever learn?How long will religions last?How long can the truce between religions last?When would the final war against religions be waged?Who would prosper?Man or God?Is there God in the first place?Which religion is truely right?Do we follow a religion because of the people in it or because of our faith in it?Do we stereotype all the followers to be the same;hypocritic?Do all the followers practise what they preach?
These are the questions I ask myself constantly.Spare a thought for it.It concerns all of Mankind.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
9:36 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Feeling so empty and stressed nowadays.Got so many subject tests take I have to face and take.Exams are nearing too.I'm ever so determined to pass E and A maths,physics and chemistry.I will prove to those christians that I am far more stronger mentally and efficient.It is for a good cause.I will do my best.This is war.And so sad about Amanda blocking her memories.She even forgot that I made her a promise to do well.She can really block memories;months of it.But there are good and bad points about it.She would sacrifice wonderful memories to get rid of the painful ones.How cool.I wonder will she ever forget me?Happy for her that she has finally decided to get on with her life despite those health problems that she has,and study.Hope that those bastards in school don't bully her anymore.I don't know why they do so.I do agree that Amanda's character is weird,but she's not a freak or what.She is pretty.Not to me only.She is cool and goth.
Now currently reading up on Satanism.Went to the church of satan website.It was very strong in brainwashing.It captures the mind and it seems to know what we want.Most of all,it was biased.It taught alot on rituals and stuff.It was very strong.But I'm not falling for it.This,in fact,has made me more aware that all religions are hypocritic and biased.Now I just want to live in a world without religion.Many associate me,an antichrist to be a satanist.How ignorant and pathetic.This shows that nothing about religion.Now I'm not just an antichrist,I'm going anti-religion.
They say money is the root of all evil.I say, religion is truely the root of all evil.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
2:49 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Another one becomes a threat to Christianity.As to who it is,I will not tell.But I sense another one not being tolerant of the hypocrisy Christians practise.Ignorant,pathetic and filthy fools.You all fail to practise what you preach.Many newer christians(those who converted to christianity and not born christians) are those who did not want to follow their roots.They were not born christians yet they abandoned their former religion and condemn it by believing in Christ.Another form of hypocrisy here.A MAN IS NOTHING WITHOUT KNOWING HIS ROOTS.The lord said,"No good deeds shall bring you closer to heaven,for believing in me is the only path to eternal life." Christ here again,indirectly saying that Christianity is the supreme religion.
Refusal to believe in Him is not a sin.The only sin here is the sin of Pride,like many hypocritic fools would think highly of their religion,pretending that they know who God loves the most.No christian has the right to judge who sinners are.The tolerance level is only but temporary.It is only a truce.There will be a war against all religions.Soon they will begin fighting each other,and all it takes is a minute spark.It is such filthy and pathetic fools that led me to be such a passionate antichrist.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
12:36 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Went for Gab's birthday party,east coast,yesterday.Walked freaking miles to the damn BBQ pit:No. 75..All the way from Mac's to the other side of east coast.Took us 1 and 1/2 hrs to walk.I meant literally
Walk.After reaching the damn BBQ pit,I had to walk all the way back to Mac's again to get bikes.Damn.Stayed till night.Burnt up stuff,had fun.Slight sadistic fun;better than nothing.But the real fun part was the pictures We all took.Majority had faces in it.Ghostly faces.I spotted them.Told my friends that I got proof.Then it started to freak us all out.All of it captured in my phone.One even had a ghostly face in the burning fire we set,using paper plates,sweet potatoes,wrappers,butter and basically anything we could find.Hell man! It was real fun until the moment I fell from my bike while riding into the sandy areas.I NEVER FALL FROM MY BIKE.Not even in sand.This was the first time.Coincidentally,my friend who was on another bicycle fell at the exact same spot earlier.Then I knew something was really not right.I told my friends to keep quiet and a low profile.It's the seventh month,damn it.Even I was
scared.I wouldn't want to take any chances to get pestered by spirits.Then I started to notice a black cat loitering around our BBQ pit area.Shit.Shit.Shit.Something wasn't right.I told the others to pack up and leave as fast as they could.The photos we took were damn spooky.It was freaking disturbing.
Shit man.You can mess with God,but NEVER,EVER MESS WITH THEM.Trust me,cause I know,They'll NEVER LET YOU OFF once you DO.This is one FEAR I'll NEVER have the strength and courage to Fuck.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
9:07 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
There are often new revolutions.Technological revolutions,trend revolutions,even gay and radio revolutions.Just why aren't there any Sadistic revolutions?Why isn't there a space that, we, sadists can call our own?Someone out there please start one fast.I need more gothic friends.My social gothic circle is just so damn small and pathetic.More people like Liyana and Amanda.Please.Please.Please.My people to like my kind of style.People who have that kind of style.
Met an old friend today at Plaza Singapura.Kenichi Sato.So coincidental huh?He still looks the same.He told me he couldn't recognize me.My long sideburns and my style;Black and White.It was kinda nice to see him again.Kinda cool.By meeting him,my childhood memories pumped in.Those primary school days.Carefree and joyful.Ah...innocence was still implanted in us;Damn it! Ah...I miss those days.Really do.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
2:45 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Just loaded a new blog skin.Kinda nice.All black and white.Suits my style.I find it better than my previous blogskin.I hope you people like this skin of mine.Actually added the previous music midi into this blogskin.Wanted my blog to have abit of gloomy sadistic aura.Sounds eerie eh?But I don't think it fits into the blog skin.Got to go find more sadistic music.Can't upload metal though....till then.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
2:19 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Constantly dreaming of a new girlfriend.Wanna be in Love again.Miss the Feeling.So very fond of Gothic gals.So Very.I adore them-so dark,and goth.So pretty,so fair.I hate myself.Where the hell is She?Come into my life quick,I need you.I've been looking for you.Please step into my life?I do need love;mixed emotions here and there.Drifting aimlessly here?I AM PARANOID sometimes?Still trying my best to Fuck Fear?Fuck my Fears once and for all.One by one,down they go...
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
9:06 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
AHAHAz.Now I know why Amanda feels high when it rains.Now I have that sadistic feeling whenever it rains.So high and Sadistic.I'm so happy;I could Kill.Now there's finally hope for me.Got myself a maths tutor.I will do my best in both the maths.I mean the best.I shall let hatred and morbid jealousy drive me.I'm jealous of those pathetic christians doing so well.They had the help of God,I presume.Ah...my faith will be strong as yours.I was once pathetic...pathetic enough to give in.Pathetic enough to let love get through.
I believe Hatred shall drive me to the extreme.I'm going to push myself so damn hard.So damn hard.I'm gonna let everyone know that I definitely won't lose out to any of those bastards.I'm fucking each and everyone of my fears everyday.I shall prove to the world that you do not need the help of God to succeed in life.I need none of this kind of filthy "Beg God" Shit.I mean IT.EVEN IF I FAIL,I WILL NEVER BEG GOD FOR ANYTHING;INCLUDING FORGIVENESS.I WILL NEVER WANT TO BE DEEMED AS WEAK.NEVER.
Many people may say that I'm living in my own world.If I'm doing so,what are those Christians doing?Living in their own world,giving God his power?Christians say that people should not live life materialistically,yet they are trying their best to blend in with society.Hypocritic,ain't it?FUCK THEM!They live in their own world,refusing to believe that Evil cannot be killed.They are headstrong to believe in Christ.Vice Versa in my case.There isn't even any Hell or Heaven.It is all made up by Man.Visions of Hell and Heaven,all presumed by Man.We are in control of our own lives.No one is to stop us.Man himself is the creator of everything.
Let me give you an example.Here:If Man were to destroy every single religion in the world,and destroy even the remnants of religions etc.like burning all the bibles and churches and temples and everything that has gotta do with religions.I doubt any religion would be alive.It is Man that keeps religions alive;not the Gods themselves.See,many people believe in ghosts,and many tell of their bizarre encounters with the supernatural.If,if only,these people were to shut up,and keep these stories to themselves,ghosts wouldn't exist.All these religion-cum-supernatural stuff is all passed down by Man.Just like a story would.
Let me give you another example.See,everyone knows Hitler is a mass murderer,cause of the atrocities he committed.Why does the people of today know of his crimes?The Answer?Very Simple.It is transmitted through text and word of mouth.See,Man again.If Man were to "kill" this,by stopping the story of Hitler from the word of mouth and through text,I think the future generations would be very unlikely to know of him;let alone his atrocities.Same goes for religions.If Man had only the will power to banish religions....Heaven and Hell would be destroyed,in the hearts of Man.
Many are still unable to realise that they are the ones who give their God power.They are still unable to accept the fact that without them,Christ would not exist.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
4:58 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
