I didn't get my date on Sunday,unfortunately.Gosh,she was busy cause Hari Raya was coming soon.She was baking cookies for the whole family?Admit she's a fillial and decisive gal.She says she has her own perspective of living and there's absolutely no need to follow anyone.Individualist like me?Alot of guys'll die to be with her.I'm in the crowd this time.
Felt so alone and empty.No one's going out.It's a Sunday,dammit!Nothing to do at all.Computer and playstation 2 bores me.Sleeping bores me even more.I hate sleeping.I just wonder how can a person sleep all day?Optimistically saying,I'm just hyper active;that's all.
As a result,I'm feeling callous towards everyone.I don't live on anyone.An individualist and humanist.Alone till I die standing.I don't live on religions;I'd rather live on human ideas and their way of living.But humanity is succumbing to its sin.It's constantly being eaten up by sin itself.It's only a matter when humanity finally dies out,causing an end to everything including religions which took us more than a few thousand years to build.We're all compelled by sin.Man was born free,but at the same time,he's in chains everywhere.There is restriction......to the extent where some would prefer death.
Anyway,when I was on my way home yesterday from city hall,I met Hui zi in the mrt.I couldn't really recognize her but I remembered her phone model.Then I walked towards her and started a conversation.She still could remember me.We were nothing but acquaintances.She asked me do I still contact Amanda and I said yes.She said that Amanda was every guy's nightmare.I did nothing but smiled?
Enemies,friends,acquintances.90% of my social circle is a passing cloud in my life.As a result,I've learnt how to let things go.Some things are just not yours and no matter how hard you try to get it,it'll still not be yours.It'll never be.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:04 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, October 29, 2005
It's a Sunday.A day that I must break lose on.Yesterday just asked Liyana whether she wanted to go out.I meant it as a date?I guess she knew it too,but she said she wasn't sure she was free...
It's my first time asking her out cause she's starting work on 3 nov.It'll be such a great opportunity.Chances only come once,if you let it go,you lose.
Gosh,up till now she still hasn't replied me yet...but I reckon she's still sleeping.Today's such a good day for a date,can go out till late...
I think I shouldn't be too happy first.Bad and good things happen in chain reactions.So far all has been well for me.Lady luck please stand on my side?
Went to geylang serai,Malay village yesterday.Damn crowded.Conditions worsen by people smoking...seems like a vibrant night market.But the thing is,no one's actually buying anything.It was considered as a failure.Hot.Crowded.Dark.
Last night,Joan messaged me at 3 am+.What's her motive?Then I messaged her in the morning being as gentlemanly as I could saying,"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."Guess what,she didn't even reply and I saw her online just now.Gosh,is she trying to avoid me?
Why everytime I try to like a gal,it just seems so hard?Everytime I try to love someone so hard,I always fail to get the person to love me back.Of course I can't blame anyone,I've only got myself to blame.It's happened countless of times.I know I'm at fault but I just don't get why...back to the idiom,"Love can't exist in Hell."Once you take this path of mine,Love dies...slow and painfully.I'm watching it die IN me.
Now only blasting metal can soothe my nerves.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:13 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Went to Peninsula again on Sunday.Obsessed-big time.Liyana said something that shocked me.She's changin her job again.Now she's gonna work at Isetan though I not sure which...Startin from Wednesday.I was shocked and still am now.How am I gonna meet her?
Then she assured me saying she loves me and she'll find time to meet me and that she'll be happier and earning more there.She told me not to worry...but I'll miss her badly.
Her friend Liyani said we looked compatible as a couple and said I was cute.I noticed that while she was saying this,Liyana kinda like blushed...Gosh.Liyani also said I didn't really look my age...do I?I think its cause of my new hair cut.Liyana's such a petite gal?She also doesn't look her age.
When I was about to leave,Liyani said Liyana should hug and kiss me.My turn to blush.Liyana didn't say anything though.Actually wanted to give her a hug but her boss was there.I'm one unlucky bastard.
Nevermind that now...things gonna be so different...gonna meet her outside cause she'll have more off-days.Should I rejoice?I don't know.
Fuck school by the way,fuck it hard.Boring periods...nothing to do,all I did was try to escape to play soccer.Everyday nothing except soccer and occasional mass mp3 listening session.Fuck it,it bores me to death.
Tomorrow we're going to some damn hotel to learn some fucking eating skills.Eating skills.Double Fuck.But with me around,boredom won't start with the class.I'm gonna make hell for everyone,and Lucas(the guy whom Roy and I detest)is gonna face his inevitable carnage.Hahaha...Ready or not,here I unleash.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
12:49 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
School had some fucking prefects' commendation shit held at the St.Andrew's Cathedral at City Hall.I just walked right in with my friends and smiled.They thought I was joking bout going there.I did went there.The least I could do was give a sadistic smile and then leave.Besides,they can't force me to go church,can they?I ain't no scared of no God.Let alone pathetic christian teachers or principal.
Forwarded to Peninsula.Shops were all close.It was bout 10+?Gosh.Then,then,then....Surprisingly,Liyana shouted "Darling!",oh dear was it embarrasing...I felt like blushing but didn't.Man,Joseph was with me!Oh Dear.She changed her working place,only a few metres from the previous shop?Now it's a skateboard shop.No more discounts on gothic metal t-shirts.Crap.
She looked surprisingly cheerful?I thought she was supposed to look at least abit sad cause of the break up?Despite this she was still as cheerful as ever.I sure hope she is really happy.She came in a black and white short but frilly skirt,and wore a 'nightmare before christmas' t-shirt(also black and white.)I nearly died when I saw her.Gosh man,was she pretty.And I mean prettier than ever.Seems like my crush is getting bigger and bigger everyday.
But I'm still thinkin if it'll be risky,but my chances are double...and the time is kinda right though....but I don't wish to get hurt or hurt her.I really don't.
Joseph says I'm obsessed with her.Yeah,I agree.She's one gal I could die for.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
9:00 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Fuck it.I can't seem to find the link of the song "coffin fodder" by Cradle of Filth.Fuck.Spent half the day finding it.Shit.Bored and irritated by the song constantly playin in my blog for months.Shit.I'm gonna go all out to find it.
Till then you'll be amazed by the tune of ultimate black metal rhythm.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
1:38 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I met Joan.Went to town with her and her friend.They look so small?I was kinda surprised.At first I thought Joan was childish.But when I finally get to talk to her,I found out that she's actually quite cute.Then when her friend left,I asked her to stay.Then I began talking to her.She was so damn shy?When I tried to look her in the eye,she turned away blushing.Hell.She made the situation kinda awkward...then we went to Meridien's food court,sat and chatted.She was half the time blushing?Gosh.I tried my best to talk to her and in the end,at least she wasn't that hostile to me...
I noticed she had black fingernail polish on but she's not goth.She'll definitely look good in goth,being petite and fair.I advised her to put on eyeliner make up to go with the nail polish...Maybe,just maybe she'll heed my advice.Her hands felt quite lifeless and cold too...another potential goth gal?Maybe.
I've to say that I kinda like her though she ain't no babe...but she seems underage.People would say I'm a paedophile.In the mean time I'll let nature take it's course...anyway all paths lead to the grave,don't they?
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
3:29 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Thursday, October 13, 2005
I went to get my books back from Amanda yesterday.She's changed alot.She looks older now?She cut her hair real short and dyed it purple?Her eyebrows got burned?She said only I noticed it.
I felt really good seeing her again.I gave her a hug...but something was really strange...I didn't want to face her.I kept turning my head away to avoid her?I just feel that she's not really the Amanda I used to love and know...I miss the old Amanda.I know the old Amanda is never going to come back.But she'll always remain in my heart till I die.
I bet she realized I changed alot too.I did and I know it.She also helped in changing me.I'll never forget her.(I mean positively.)
Ah...miss Liyana too...she just messaged me saying she'd missed me...I told her I got caught up in things...so didn't really have the time to message her.Going to visit her soon enough...then I asked her how was her relationship.She said her boyfriend didn't contact her for 4 days...she said it was rocky.I told her relationships are like that.There'll not be any perfection.Love's not perfect...
I'll be meeting Joan and her friend tomorrow.Wonder how she looked.Hahaz...that's tomorrow's business.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
9:49 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Exam's are over.So much evil and hatred pumps throughout my blood.Arggg...I could kill.I'm breaking loose.
Anyway,Amanda contacted me.She said she broke up cause her ex cheated on her and was worried about me.She then said that we shared a special bond together and no guy could ever replace me in her heart.I was all along and forever her dearest Joker.
I was kinda touched though she did hurt me alot.The fact that I still love and like her alot.She cried over the phone.That bastard looks like shit man.Saw his photo on her blog.So fat and ugly.I wonder what she sees in him.No looks,No personality.Total piece of Dung.Is he really worth all the tears she'd shed.Total waste of time.
She also asked me if I didn't swear not to fall in love with the same gal again,will I still like her again.My answer is yes.
Ah,gonna visit dear Liyana sometimes this week.Miss her like shit....really did.Missed her smile.Haha.Observe and watch me people,cause some inevitable hell is coming your way.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
6:33 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I think I failed my Chemistry paper.My mind blacked out during the exam.Totally.I couldn't do majority of the questions.Fuck.If I really fail,I'll be forced to drop it...then I'll die.No more future,No more ambitions,No more thoughts about playin God?AHHHHH!!! What am I to do?Fuck me aite~Fear and its embrace.Fuck.I'm ravenous for power yet I've just lost it!Shithead.I can't even get chemistry done.Amaths,Geography and Bio's up next.What am I to do?I'm already doing my best for the year.Other than Chem,I think I'll also fail Physics,Social studies and Maths.All gone down the drain.I hate tasting Failure.I really hate it to the core.It's just like tasting your own blood.I've got to be focused and determined.Than ever.My pride deserves the best that I am.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
11:49 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
