Thursday, September 29, 2005
Missing Amanda,Liyana and Stella.So coincidental all their names has an 'a' at the back.Miss them so much...I maybe meeting Amanda after exams,Liyana definitely.As for Stella,I really miss her.Wonder how she's doing right now...I think she's got a new boyfriend.All the best.
So many things I didn't have time to do.Just countless things...all of them I loved doing...looking forward to do them again.
Exam's at my doorstep;in hell.All the best everyone.May Fate have mercy on your souls.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
5:08 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, September 24, 2005
1 more week till exams.2 more weeks till havoc,chaos and destruction.I can't wait till 2 weeks.But in the meantime,I've to pump my grades up like shit.I've been working so damn hard for the past 2 weeks?I've already failed once,but I won't let myself down in failure again.Although it has been hell,my sheer determination drives me almost crazy.The thought of me losing to the others devours me...it really does...it makes my blood boil.Sometimes I couldn't even sleep.I've been practising my amaths like hell,but there are alot of questions foreign to me.So shit.I don't want to let myself down again.
The reason why I didn't do well for mid year was because of girlfriend.Now there's absolutely no reason for anything to go wrong.Absolutely no reason.I've never been so determined to get my grades...NEVER.I will die trying my best...lady luck please be of help?
Of course I'm tempted to play sometimes,and of course I do take breaks,but my mind is still revengful as ever? I'm like avenging myself here? I can't afford to lose out to others;I don't want anyone to look down on me anymore.I want to be the black horse.I want to feel like an immortal?Or a god? My determination really drives me and I'm counting on it to succeed.
There won't be time for heartache.No time to breakdown.No time to cry.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
7:52 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Guess what people?I actually went to Church yesterday;City harvest that is.I followed JT,he said there was some miracle healer...and asked me to go have a look.In my cold heart I was thinking,I shall be there to see how this miracle conman con.The moment we met at the mrt station,we debated on this issue all the way to Boon Lay.He was like speechless? Try debate on me bout God? Try turning me into a christian?Not that easy.He called me a bastard and said that I was damn bad...I replied:"Bro,when was I good?"
At the church itself,I grew a deeper sense of hate.I knew it would.But then,I decided to give where respect was due,and decided to take off the antichrist chain that I was wearing.City harvest does not even look like a church at all,I've to admit...but I was the only one there that knew the truth.The truth that millions succumb to.Then I gave a devilish grin to myself.
The gates to heaven or hell(to me) opened at 4pm.Went inside.It was like a stadium,man! Hordes of christians lurked at every corner.Even I was dizzy.JT said that the presence of God is very strong there.I thought to myself,my presence of hate is stronger.
The members of JT's cell group sure are friendly,those gals are like queuing to shake my hand?I gave them all a fake smile.A real fake smile.After all,which religion would be hostile to its visitors?
Soon,they began singing.All sorts of hymns and pop-christian songs.You think I'm gonna be hurt by those songs?No! I was immune to it!Then they started praying and preaching.That's when I really get angry.That pastor insulted Buddhism indirectly.He damned and cursed reincarnation! Damn him! All those Shitheads agree with him.Almost every sentence they say were a prayer.I say,We should thank God for the suffering,and blame Satan for the offerings.
The pastor then said,those who are newcomers to stand.No choice this time.I had to obey,like a dog? Then everyone started to shake my hand again.Fake smiles again.Inside I was fuming mad.
Then it was sing along time! Song by song,everyone was just like jumping around like it was some metal scene? Hey,I didn't even do it at Slipknot's concert,you expect me to do it here? The usual.I stood there and stoned.
But I then looked around,and said to myself:"Hey Joker,everyone's clapping and jumping around,why don't you do it?" Then I thought,so what if everyone's doing it,does it mean it's right? No it doesn't! It just means that either they're weak or that I'm strong.
I've to admit that there were really alot of attractive gals.I was kinda like tempted? But No,was I to give in to lust.Nothing could be stronger than my Hate! It's really alot better to be an open sinner that a false saint.
The whole service ended at bout 7.Alot of people allegdly claimed that they were "healed".JT wasn't.Look at that now.
While they held the last prayer,I looked around.Guess what I saw?Hordes of weak fools being brainwashed consistently every week.Another sadistic smile grew onto my face.
The sole reason why I wanted to go church was to prove that I fear no God.Another reason is to know the feeling of being brainwashed.Too bad I wasn't.The prayers they said in another language,supposedly arabic,sounded like a satanic mantra.I heard satanic mantras before.
Till now,all I've to say that is,christianity has failed to touch my heart,it has failed to convert me.You know what? The reason for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing-vice versa.Try harder next time.
I'm also to say that,not only have I not been touched by the words of god,neither have I changed.Going to church has only made my faith in myself grow strong.I'm stronger now.So much stronger.I'll try to go church as often as possible to train.Once again I've to thank God.Now nothing could come in my way.I mean virtually nothin'.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:31 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Guess what people?I actually went to Church;City harvest that is.I followed JT,he said there was some miracle healer...and asked me to go have a look.In my cold heart I was thinking,I shall be there to see how this miracle conman con.The moment we met at the mrt station,we debated on this issue all the way to Boon Lay.He was like speechless? Try debate on me bout God? Try turning me into a christian?Not that easy.He called me a bastard and said that I was damn bad...I replied:"Bro,when was I good?"
At the church itself,I grew a deeper sense of hate.I knew it would.But then,I decided to give where respect was due,and decided to take off the antichrist chain that I was wearing.City harvest does not even look like a church at all,I've to admit...but I was the only one there that knew the truth.The truth that millions succumb to.Then I gave a devilish grin to myself.
The gates to heaven or hell(to me) opened at 4pm.Went inside.It was like a stadium,man! Hordes of christians lurked at every corner.Even I was dizzy.JT said that the presence of God is very strong there.I thought to myself,my presence of hate is stronger.
The members of JT's cell group sure are friendly,those gals are like queuing to shake my hand?I gave them all a fake smile.A real fake smile.After all,which religion would be hostile to its visitors?
Soon,they began singing.All sorts of hymns and pop-christian songs.You think I'm gonna be hurt by those songs?No! I was immune to it!Then they started praying and preaching.That's when I really get angry.That pastor insulted Buddhism indirectly.He damned and cursed reincarnation! Damn him! All those Shitheads agree with him.Almost every sentence they say were a prayer.I say,We should thank God for the suffering,and blame Satan for the offerings.
The pastor then said,those who are newcomers to stand.No choice this time.I had to obey,like a dog? Then everyone started to shake my hand again.Fake smiles again.Inside I was fuming mad.
Then it was sing along time! Song by song,everyone was just like jumping around like it was some metal scene? Hey,I didn't even do it at Slipknot's concert,you expect me to do it here?The usual.I stood there and stoned.
But I then looked around,and said to myself:"Hey Joker,everyone's clapping and jumping
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:03 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Should I ever Fear Exams?No,I shouldn't.Although that piece of paper controls my fate/my path,I shouldn't let it intimdate me.Not one bit."I'M NOT THAT WEAK CRAP AGAIN?"-no,not this time.I wasn't even motivated to work from the beginning of the year;until I realise something.Every min/sec of my life is ticking away.Till the most basic saying:"Time and Tide wait for no Man." I sort of like estimated my own demise? 80 years from now.Death is seeking me and it would bloody fuckingly take 80 years;or less.I'm now just gonna do what I love best.Not gonna waste time.I'm diverting my violent attention to only things I like.Time is fair and square,and everyone has the equal opportunity to use it.Everyone has the right to be successful,it's a matter of what drives them.Everyone can be their own God,take control of their lives and banish religions forever.Why can't that be you?
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
5:16 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Sat.Went to Peninsula,paid Liyana a visit.She seems so tall nowadays.She's like my height?She wasn't when I first knew her.She spotted me first.I went towards her and started a conversation.Then,then,then...I suddenly went weak on my knees,and began to stutter.Shit!I can't believe I actually stuttered.I rarely did.I was like blushing?Mercy on my soul.I had to end the conversation fast.Shit.
After that went to play pool till 9 plus.Played teams with Michelle,Jacleyn and Cuthbert(I hardly know them;they're Cuthbert's friends.)Here comes the unlucky part.Eugene!He's such a jinx.Where ever we played,he came and we couldn't even score.Not even once.
I just updated my blog music.Hope you people enjoy it.In case you didnt know,it's the song "Born in a burial gown" by Cradle of Filth.I'm so looking forward to make my blog goth.Hope I've succeeded this time.Remember to post your comments.Enjoy!
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
9:42 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Friday, September 09, 2005
Went to Yishun today.The ambience just wasn't right.At all.Past memories pumped in.My friends were mocking me.I had to put on a tough front.I mean literally Put On.I wasn't sad.I pity those times.I wonder if she stills remember them.The time we've been together.Then I began thinking:"Is what I've done all this while worth my time?" Is it? Looked into the direction of her home.More memories I've recalled.Everyone changes.Me,you,Society.Suddenly I just felt so angry and evil.Those times got me weakened.It got me hurt.It got me hurt up real bad.For once when I recalled those memories,I was angry.It is because of Liyana I think.Come to tell you this,She coincidentally lives in Yishun too.I always thought of my dreams being shattered.I was in the dream.Then now I finally realise that my dreams weren't shattered at all.It's only adjustments being made to them.Nothing can control me.I figured that part out myself.I can actually curb addiction itself.I was frequently obsessed with things easily.I gave them up just as easily.Be it studies,love and relationships,games,sports.I can give them all up within a min.Even when addicted to a particular game/sport/person etc,I can easily lose interest in them.Please don't let this happen to Liyana.She's one of the good friends I have.One of the good friends I treasure and cherish.Please.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:02 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Got an sms this morning.From Liyana.She said life was just like a train,and that it passes through different stations.At that particular station,she met me.Someone she'll treasure and remember forever.I never expected her to message me this message.A new twist in my life.I felt so touched after receiving it.I've just realised how much I liked her,and that throughout this time,I've actually developed a very big crush on her.I don't have crushes on people that easily.I replied that it was my sentiments exactly.I don't get touched(mentally) easily,I'm known as a hard hearted guy.But I've long since weakened since the last relationship.This is hard but I reckon I can pull through.I've fought through the pain long enough.Now the dilemma I'm stuck in is whether should I go for Liyana and give it my best shot;or should I remain friends for now and try to bloom our friendship?These thoughts are constantly gripping me harder than a vice.But I dare say I'm not confused.The thing I'm worried about is the aftermath.What will have afterwards?I reckon not even God knows,as it is impossible to predict.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
12:17 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Life itself is so unpredictable...guess what,Liyana actually got her job back.So glad she did...I haven't met her in quite a while...missed her but we still kept in contact.I messaged her often.I once blame myself for not having many female friends in my social circle...come to think of it,I should cherish those who are already beside me,Liyana said so too,at least we're good friends now,closer than ever.
As for Amanda,she's got another guy chasing her.He's a very nice guy,I hope.Both of them are blessed.Haha.
As for Me?Nah,still standing,at least not living on my knees!
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:21 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
