I watched the movie 'One hour photo' yesterday night.It was bout this perverse and psychotic old man who works for a film-development firm,being very obsessed with his customers photos.This movie is excellent as it's very intriguing.
I think I'm just like him.I'm starting to get obsessed with photography art.Photos,snapshots and certain artworks are the results of certain moments,that people are willing to treasure.I personally rarely take pictures with anybody or anything,as I'm not photogenic,but I do like taking pictures of certain things in everyday life we neglect.I'm already developing a fetish for such art.
My personal favourites of such art are: pictures of fantasy/sci-fi landscapes,futuristic cities,photos of pretty yet uniquely captivating females,pictures of hallways,domes,warehouses and e.t.c. Now gothic pictures do not really appeal to me,as I feel that they're indeed too mediocre.So many people in the streets are following the supposed 'Jap-goth' trend and all of them are Lians.Disappointing.
Blood also doesn't appeal to me as much as before.We all see it everywhere,everyday.It's no longer forbidden fruit.Everyone's tryin to get used to it and like it,like those 'pseudo-goths' are pretending to.
I'm headin to another direction where no one else can find,or even catch up with me.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
12:44 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I've just realised that there're indeed some people(or the majority)who are very apathetic in the world.They are unconcerned and seem to lack the appropriate interests about what the whole world is going through,just wanting to live for the moment and have fun all day.
Now,I do agree that the 'happy' man is happy because he doesn't look back at the past mistakes,neither does he look forward.All he does is live for the moment,without considering any suitable plans for the future.He is only living for the moment.
Are you this kind of person?If you are,Fuck you.These people don't seem to understand that they themselves are the prisoners of their own cells,which houses all of desires(mainly Lust).They really don't see it.The more they give in to their desires(be it sexual,or non-sexual;in the form of money),the more cramp and smaller their 'cell' would be.It is indeed a vicious cycle,don't you agree?
It revolves around you and everytime you turn around and around in circles,the circle just gets smaller...to the point that you really can't take it anymore and boom! You get your soul claimed by whoever's out in the netherworld.
I've just read a little up on psychology.I realised that many of us are indeed not performing up to our own expectations and potentials.The reason is because,we often find life boring and unexciting.
To tell you the truth,our minds do work like a dynamo,and the things we see is like the light generated by it.Whenever we get bored,we'll tend to be lethargic(that's why so many people sleep in boring classes;it doesn't apply to me at all),and as a result,the dynamo generates less light and everything we see is dull and boring.
The mind then falls into an apathy in which it loses its sense of purpose.
It happens.It breeds ignorance,as every molehill will eventually become a mountain with time.A 'happy' man chooses to live for the moment,whereas,I,choose to live for meaning and purpose.If you want happiness in life,you must live for the moment.But please ensure that you won't ever regret.If you want meaning in life,you gotta look back into the past and you will derive a sense of 'why did I ever do such a thing' and perhaps,it could change your life.
Mind you,meaning in life doesn't necessarily mean Religion.Religion itself is just another alternative for the hopeless.Meaning in life means what you live for,what you wanna do and what you wanna be.To put it simply,it's Ambition and Initiative.I've just realised,that the adrenaline rushes I crave for are indeed called 'galvanising by emergency'.A sense of urgency is necessary in order for us to realise our own potentials and eventually rise up to a far higher level or purpose and vitality.It gives me strength,and it prevents my mind from drowning in a state of dullness and apathy.
Boredom,kills creativity and our sense of reality.It is totally absurd that a man sitting on a train should stare dully out of the window;his mind contains a vast library of imagination and past experiences that could keep him entertained for years.I saw life behind this 'blinding curtain' and I realised life won't be as bad as it seems if we would even have the effort to think of suitable solutions,rather than let others control everything out there.
The mind is just like a vast sea,always having parts of it being unexplored,and you are the only crew and captain of the ship: Initative.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
1:05 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Have you ever had any point in time in your life that you ever got really fucking pissed off by almost everything?
Fucking pissed off and everything isn't going your way?
Motherfucking going the other opposite direction?
The past few weeks have been Fucking bad.Everything is pissing me off.Virtually everything.
Fucking obstructions are cutting my already pathetic life into a fine thousnad pieces.What the fuck does everybody want?
One motherfucker from school told me right in the face that there was no use swearing-that I didn't had any god to swear to.I felt like telling this in his fucking face:How sure are you that your goD even exists?Get the fuck out off here,motherfucking worthless obstructions.
Get the Fuck out of my Life.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
5:59 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Had English O level orals just now.Don't think I got screwed.It was in fact easier compared to the chinese one.This time I didn't stammer while reading at all.
I was pretty nervous initally,but I knew I had to be confident.I had to be the person I used to be such a long time ago,until things went all wrong and awry.
I figured out I needed to have what was really lacking in my life-confidence.With confidence,there'll most probably have a better and good ending...and the chances are,you'll definitely be contended too.One more week to the the pre-prelims.I feel more optimistic and happier now.I'm gonna do all my work with pride and effort.I think coffee does help in getting me an adrenalin rush almost instantly.Hahaz.Wanna try the stronger ones though.
I'm gonna do my best.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
1:40 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, August 12, 2006
I had a B3 for my chinese O level's...which everyone says it's good...but should I take a gamble and retake at October?There's harm in trying though...I've got to re-study all my chinese stuff again,and attend chinese classes.
But the good news is,I actually got a distinction for my orals and LC.Hahaz,I laughed myself out...I never ever thought I'd do so well.
Should I retake it again,by taking advantage of the current situation now?Oh by the way,I went to town yesterday nite,considered alone as my parents were on the other side of town,and guess who I saw?
Amanda.Oh man,I was so surprised...she was with two other guys,she had cut her hair real short?Though she still looked okay...but she was still the same,never really change on the inside.
I guess you all know what I'm talking bout.She and her friends were heading to some place where I never ever wanted to go,even though she did ask me to join.Oh dear.She actually asked me to join.
She should always know that I'm straight,even though I do like acting gay sometimes.Tuesday is my English O levels oral.Shouldn't be much of a problem,if I didn't study for my chinese one at all,then I think it shouldn't be of a problem.I shouldn't be so complacent also,so I'll definitely look it up later.
I realise that I'm much more focused now.Clear and determined to get into SAJC.Everyday whenever I walk home,I'll walk past the compound.The very sight of the life there is like a spark that sets all my heart's inner desires alive.I've got the fuel,and now I've the spark.
Set the fire out to burn then.I'd better get used to the Heat.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:13 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Farewell,my brother Teeruth.It was really good to have you with us all the way since you came to S'pore...Hope your life gets better over there in the U.S.
The party on tuesday was a Hit man.I got a lil drunk only...few cups of pure shot 40% vodka-my favourite spirit.I took beer too,hahaz.I even dropped a bowling ball while bowling.Damn.
The party ended bout 1am.Right after we all dumped dear Teeruth into the cold and dark pool hahaz.He got a lil pissed,nevertheless....
Unfortunately,I didn't get to see him off on Wednesday morning...but we all promised to keep in contact.Oh man,We will.Or at least the class will.
Life won't ever be the same with good,old Teeruth again...I'll be missing you,brother.This leads me to rememebering this saying:"Good things can't ever last forever,so it always teaches us to treasure the good times."How long do we all have until the whole class graduates?Roughly bout a few months left...before we all carry on with life in different directions...eventually.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
2:18 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Saturday, August 05, 2006
The injury this time's no Joke.My ankle's finally swelling.Got hit by someone while playing soccer.
I had never ever such a bad ankle injury before.I can't even walk properly now.It's bloody stiff.What I fear now is,whether will my ankle heal in time for the inter-class competition.Damn.
By the way,
The Fast and the Furious:Tokyo Drift totally rocks.It is way cool.Damn.Fast cars,hot chicks and even hotter soundtrack album.
JAPAN! JAPAN! JAPAN! ICHIBAN!When will I ever get to be there?
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:42 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
The cast anger-off remedy worked.Worked really well.
I'm so much happier now.Oh yes I am.
My Thai classmate's flying off on Wednesday already...I will miss him even though we've only been classmates for bout 1 year+.Hope everything goes well on Tuesday.
It will be a Bash.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
1:02 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
