There's still time...there is still time.
I could still make it...I want my results very badly.
Real badly.
I got assured by almost everyone,but on the other hand,I know very well that they're just lying?They're in fact condemning my own little fucked up soul sayin that I can't make it.
Now it's up to me to decide:How badly do I want it?
I got barred and banned from lots of things.3 months in hell in exchange for a ticket to my own private heaven...how good is this deal?
Besides one can't buy no stairway to heaven,can he?
-Of all the things I've missed,I think I miss my mind the most?-
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
5:32 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Bondage Domination Submission Masochism(BDSM)incorporates a new term:Pegging.
Hahaha...although it's kind of sick but the thought of it kinda excites me?In the sickest depth of my mind I'd never thought of being fucked by a gal ever before.Oh amateur me.Amateur me.
Just checked my damn friendster profile,and I found out that there're people who viewed my profile and they dare not add me perhaps because of the way I express myself in my profile.Hmmm...I didn't disappoint myself this time.
This idea is to filter away those who abuse friendster to get their boyfriends/girlfriends.I hate people like these.Knowing flirts like them really affects my status.It really does.Never ever wanna be associated with them in anyway.
I shall go find out more bout pegging now perhaps...the sadomasochistic way...cause not everyone would know how to appreciate stuff like this.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
3:56 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I managed to surprise Liyana and I got the sweetest smile from her?
GOSH!Was just passing by her workplace yesterday and I just went up there with more than second thoughts?Cause initially She actually told me to msg her before visitin her so that she'll be prepared....to meet me.
But I didn't do so...and I just appeared right in front of her face and she was so damn shocked and surprised?I mean this is all positive,she was so happy to see me....it's been like 2 months since we met...
She was giving me only the sweetest of smiles....they killed me and I kept blushing?Her smiles are inevitable and so irresistable....oh dear...
I finally got to hug her too!Gosh.I couldn't resist myself and I hugged her hard...It was the first time since the day I met her and it was really very sweet and nice?I'd thought initially she would be stunned,but she hugged me back even harder?Oh dear.We could've killed each other.
Were our hearts trying to touch by huggin so hard?I don't really know what to say.I'm speechless.But I know I can't really stop smiling to myself and get her beautiful image out of my head...She has been on my mind since yesterday...and she never left...I don't want her to go either.
Please don't go.Please.I just want that precious moment to be etched in my memories forever.I rarely do this....but it was really worth treasuring.I'd never forget it.Even if we won't ever be able to be together as a couple...at least I know we've each other in our hearts respectively.
I already am contended enough.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:55 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
All my Devotion return.All of it.I'm finally getting stronger than ever.Psycho Joker's been awaken.
My exams didn't do well but at least I improved.I should take this chance as the strongest driving force to make myself do better.If I could do it this time,then I absolutely don't see why I can't do it again.
"No one is here by chance."Someone really triggered my deeper demonic self over these few days.I completely got rid of my weak self.Overnight.I guess I'm psycho again.
Psycho Joker:how would he get along with me after such a long time?
"It all begins with the mind,and it also ends with it."-I couldn't agree less.
Just where is the limit with my mind?I got rid of my own pathetic alter-ego without anyone's help.Although he did trigger off my psycho side...but I still did it overnight.
Their Souls will be Mine.If I were to put and concentrate with all my mind could take,there's really no limit to what I can do.Anything goes.I dare assure it.Finally the Psycho Joker everyone loves,returns with a cause of course...I was searching high and low deep down in my limitless soul searching for it.And finally I found him again.Just the right time and place I need him.
I realise I was actually fighting myself all along.Painful and silent wars took place all in the mind.Wasn't really anybody else's fault.All took place in the mind.The most intense fight with the enemy within.For the ultimate prize of my soul.Then I thought of something.If he was the greatest enemy I ever went head to head with,then imagine us fighting side by side.
My soul will perform above its optimum.
And We truly like that.
The depressed,pathetic,whining,dog-liked,puny and gay side of me is ultimately gone.I got him fused permanently inside of me.I was really nothing under his control.
We will be stronger,faster and more durable now.And We're warning you to watch who you offend.In order to minimise maximum bloodshed.
Joking's over.We mean it.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
3:35 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
It's been so long since I went out alone.I miss those times.Those depressing times.Not that they're away from me now,but those times when I was carefree,alone and happy actually...
I'm still not well.
So feed me with a kiss,will you?Just a simple,sweet,gentle and fast one.I really need it.It's the only thing that needs to be done now...and the only thing I really need now.
I'm aching deep inside again....it's spontaneous.I can't control it.At all.I just feel like I'm worthless to everyone and everything in this world.The world's really crushing and falling.
What should I do?
Should I ignore my conscience and cast it all aside or should I carry on with life and keep my head low all the time,being virtually invisible to the world?Sometimes,I'm forced to keep my head low.I'm forced to act happy or even sad.
Actually,I'm not what I seem at all on the outside.Deep down,it's only a cell my soul dwells in.He hopes that one day;just one day there'll be someone to save him or something.
Liberate my little lonely soul from the depths of the cell's darkest desires and sins.
I can't do much now.Everyone's laughing.I really don't like people to laugh at me at all.But what can I,do?
Please tell me.Joker told me to prove them wrong.He always talks to me whenever I'm going to sleep...but never ever when I'm with frens or when I'm not alone...He knows my weak spot.But I don't know his.
He's not talking to me right now.I'm fine.I'm alone right now.I better enjoy the silence while I can.Whenever he starts talking and ranting,he won't ever stop.I'm so frustrated that I can't control him at times.
My parents' voices ring continuously in my head.I can't get them out of my head.I rather listen to his voice.They quarrel almost every minute,and over small bloody puny things.I hate them.
I can't wait for them to disappear in my life.I really can't.This place sucks.The people here all suck.I hate it here.How I wish my parents got a divorce of just fucking vanish out of my life cause when they're here,they ain't no much a help to me anyway.It doesn't benefit me at all.I'd only want things that'll benefit me.
Now I listen to them cause they give me money(well,sometimes only).Sometimes I don't any allowance at all.Nevermind,I'll never run away from home like a coward...trust me,cause I believe one fine day I'll just walk out of the house without anyone stopping me.When I'm older of cause.
A few more years till my goal.Only a few more years and then I'm out of here.By the way,Joker started because of them.It all started because of my bloody childhood.
A childhood everyone thought was fun and blissful.But no one really knew how much pain I felt deep inside,the pain I've been enduring.
I'll plan each and every one of my moves.I'll make it perfect.No mistakes or errors here,as it would cause me my life.
Absolutely no mistakes.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
4:08 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Watched the bloody Shutters vcd.Gosh man.I wasn't scared of it that much.It's pretty alright....but I was really into the movie's plot.
It was a really touching story actually?Gosh man,I think the ghost's right this time.He deserves the haunting man.Fancy letting his guy friends gang fuck his ex-girlfriend while he took her fucked up picture?
Yeah WTF.
Listening to WTF by LMF now.Canton hip hop's part of my life.My identity perhaps?hahaz.Sets my so far apart from damned country.
Fucking elections took place during the exam period.OH FUCK.Made me missed so many important rallies.
Hey I wanna be a politician.I wanna ingest those who are weak minded.Looks fun.It'll really be so fun to be god.Really is...
Yeah,I contacted Liyana yesterday...I missed her so much...and we sort of like lost contact cause of my bloody exams.I was so afraid our bond would end or something,I really was.In the end she said she would never ever forget me?
I was so touched.Same goes for her.Well,all the best in your working environment.I'll be dropping by.
Gonna go out soon.Pool at bugis,perhaps?yeah maybe...nothing much to do anyway.
Oh well,I'm gonna go fucking eat my chemistry 10 year series now to regurgitate it out for my last paper on Mon.Fuck it.
-Oh well,Fuck your whole Family too-
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
1:55 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I felt like killing myself the past few days.It was only time I ACTUALLY had thoughts about suicide?
I felt that everything was against me...I felt really alone other than Him.He's around to guide me again.I didn't have anyone to confide in at all.
Except for Joker.
Fucking ass bastard Joker who controls more than half of my life and thoughts.
Who keeps laughing at me whenever I'm alone and makes me wanna cry.And He was the one who told me to be strong...told me to be hysterical...told me to become Him...
He made me homicidal,genocidal and now Suicidal.Fuck man.
I'm feeling so alone again after logging in to my pathetic friendster profile.Everyone's just so different from all that I am.I realised that I'm really alone this time.
Thought about suicide again just now.Now I know how people feel when they feel like killing themselves.Nothing else really matters anymore?
Last time I fucking told myself not to ever have thoughts bout suicide.But this time,everyone and everything's really pushing me to the end?
Parents confiscated my mp3.It wasn't just a music player.It was MY MEDICATION.IT WAS MY DRUG.I'm addicted to it.I need it like a drug.
I really do and I feel so cold now?
No one's here with me.No one could hear me scream or cry it out loud,only Him.And I think he's happy bout it.Really happy bout it.
I'm feeling gay again.Blastin Celldweller now.Isn't Klayton just like me?
Yeah He's my idol...hahaz.
-Clone me a Lover,liberate my soul-
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
2:06 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
This time X really marks the Spot.I mean the Xxxz.On my exam papers.
Pretty stressed out.Don't have enough time for anyone,anything.I forced myself to study till late every night.But I don't think my hard work's payin off.
X has marked half my spot on my whole exam already.But since I'm already halfway there to complete the journey,I'll do it even if I'm falling.
Did parkour today to vent out my frustration,and I realised that I actually had more strength than before...guess it's due to him.He isn't of much help at the last min.He's pretty useless,so am I.
Watched a wrestling pay-per-view deemed as the most barbaric matches.It's really nice.All blood and gore and simliar parkour moves.Got me very hyper.
Another week of pleasant hell to go.Well done,Joker.Look man,you're still alive!I need Metal like a drug nowadays.I'm sick.But it's better to be sick in the mind than to be sick in the bed.
I don't need sleep.A friend influenced me.I killed sloth.Again.Yeah,and I looked at the calendar,realised that it had already been a year since my last relationship...
The thing I worried bout was not the pain it brought.It was how much I actually improved my well being as a whole in a year's time.I reckon I didn't learn much.I wasted another year's time.I'm very useless and I guess they were right.
X marks my stupidity.Wastrel.Total Wastrel.Didn't really make many good friends at all,instead I've lost some.My social circle is becoming smaller and smaller.It's crushin me from the inside out,creating a permanent shell that blocks me from the outside world.Never will I have the ability to feel as a normal person again.It really hurts deep inside,to the bottomless and empty depths of my damned soul.
I seriously can't find and identify myself anymore.
So don't try to identify me with your bloody judgements.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
6:27 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
