I never wanted that day to ever happen again yet I still have a certain amount of hope for it.So ironic.I don't know why.It struck me again.She struck me again.
I'm forever stuck in this bloody dilemma.
I got so far to forget and relieve myself of all the pain yet she brought it all back.Everytime this happens,We both get hurt.I have very very painful flashbacks about the past.
It affects my current already abnormal personality.Very much.
Very fucking painful.
I bet She can feel it too...and I just wanna say that I'm sorry I was harsh.I had to be.
Just leave me to be,She's already got herself another loved one;it's sort of like endless?We're really drifting so far apart by now.Not even luck nor our hearts can save us this time.
But I'm so different from Her.I don't have any form of love.What I had was only Love to give?Pity no one wants it really.
"If you love me,let me know;If you don't,just let me go."
I guess it's just me and my unstable emotions.
I can be both a lover and a fighter.But only one at a time.
I chose to be a fighter.
And I only live by 2 mantras:
1.I'd rather die standing than to live on my knees.
2.Fight or be Finished.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
12:57 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
FUCK People like them.Fuck them up real fucking bad.I'm bloody pissed.
People like Him and Her.Although they're not related in any sense.
Let me give you guys some hints;the guy's from my school whom everyone hates and this kind of person like him(similar in every way)I met at the skating rink is fucking pathetic and detestable.People like Him deserves to DIE.Die in the most macabre and gruesome ways available.FUCK HIM.
The second person I hate;Her.Her life's already so pathetic,yet she still wanna aggravate her bad enough conditions...by acting pitiful and all.FUCK HER!I despise people like her to the core.Fucked up life and stuff.Degrading herself all the way huh?
All they ever wanted was Pity and Attention from everyone.Pathetic.
If I were you guys,I rather die standing than go all weak on your dog knees to live.
USELESS,HOPELESS,SHIT.
Their Pain is my LUST.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
2:43 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Met Yuki yesterday.She was cute.No doubts bout that.I find her such a nice person actually....but she's kinda shy...but it common for gals to be shy right?
Oh well. '-) anyways I really hope for her to enjoy herself yesterday.I did.If not I'll be damn bloody disappointed.
Met Liyana too...she's working OT so she can't meet me after her work...she'll be tired and all...gosh.Haven't met for months and I did miss her bloody much...she's become so much prettier?I can't stop looking at her eyes man!She's really looking so sweet...my heart melted.Really did.She's such a soft spoken,sweet,matured(definitely) and respectable.No one would ever do anything to disappoint or provoke her.Yes,Including me.
The place she works in is so....contrasting with what she wore?She dressed totally pretty goth but it was a kiddy apparels department for everyone's sake!No black at all.Just pink and cute.Kids.Adorable.Sweet.Innocent.Yes.
She said I've become taller?Hahaz...but I doubt so.Haven't been exercisin for such a long time.Been either at bugis playing pool or at home playing Ps2 games?I'm living life like a wastrel eh?
She gave me lots of advice on my life and relationships...precious and much appreciated advice '-) that I really needed....a big thanks to Her.
I'm Regenerating.Resurrecting.My mind's focused on nothin but Revenge.Ah...they say ignorance is bliss eh?Yeah so true.It's something I should do.
Been blasting lots of racing and hyper music-like heavy and underground hip hop and darkwave.Something's really wrong with me?But who cares?I'm so damn hyper last night.Oh my.
I gotta a Need for Speed really.I really do.I tend to do things so fast.My thoughts are often racing too.Gosh I wanna reach Godspeed man.
Btw I vowed to make Yuki LOVE metal music.Sent her some online last time and she said it was really nice?Then I introduced her to more bands like Sonata Arctica and Leaves' Eyes-Power metal(one of my personal favourites).But I never expected her to go home and download countless albums?Oh gosh.I don't even need a catalyst.Hahaz.
Send me Leaves' Eyes albums PLEASE!I'll die for them!Please please please.I was searching everywhere for it man.Too bad so many people don't know them.More people should learn to trust my taste,man.
I'll make you guys the happiest guys in the world.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
7:09 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I'm bloody utterly disgusted.Damn.It's really so damn digusting for what happened on friendster.She.
Ah I can't bother much.I can't seem to stand it.Yuck?It's none of my business anymore.I'm so glad that I'm free from the clutches.
Perhaps you people don't get me....but as time goes you'll see.How I actually roll.Never will I step down again.
I didn't wanna believe the kind of gal she is...I really didn't.But she proved me right this time.Cleared all my doubts.Sweet.
Lies,lies,lies.Denials,denials,denials.Yuck,yuck,yuck.
I wanna step out of poverty.Step out of this country fast.Step out of this living hell fast.Step out of the lies and games I've been trapped in fast.
Give me your blessings and watch me roll.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
11:02 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I'm down with heavy migraines and I'm feeling bloody giddy.It's like worsen?
I hope it's only due to the sadistic games I play on console and not anything to do with my physical being.I've been playing alot.Hell lots and such a heavy dose.
But I only feel it at home and not anywhere else.Strange.
My face is bleeding profusely these few days.I'm scarred.
My favourite colour now is dark green.I'm going for the dark green style,war/rocker style.Pretty rugged.
Saw Huizi at Bugis today.She didn't recognise me.Hahaz.I changed so much?
But am I changing for the better?
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
4:56 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
All paths lead to Necropolis.Where no one literally gives a damn.Bodies are left to rot...with occasional white and black roses on their graves.
How sweet would that be?
And I realised something strange about myself again...I actually like kids?I'm not a paedophile but I just find toddlers very adorable and cute.Especially gal toddlers,age ranging from 2 to 6.They're really so sweet,adorable,and innocent...
They wouldn't even care to hurt you...and you wouldn't even give anything in the world to see them get hurt...you really wouldn't bare to.
I'm not feeling well these few days.Heavy depression and nausea.My head spins like hell even when I'm having fun.My thoughts are beginning to reach high speeds.I can't control them.Impurities.
I don't know why.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
8:35 PMThe Best way out,is always Through-
I got 21 points for L1R5.Common tests.Didn't do well for both my maths at all.Barely passed Emaths and Amaths common tests only.Not even anywhere near class average.I'm such a dick.
But I did improve,didn't I?From a previous 28 to a 21.I'm improving but by the rate I'm going,it's not going to work.By this year,I've found myself to be more and more hardworking...working towards my goals.I want it real bad.But it's still not bad enough...my hatred and jealousy is still not that strong!
My determination is deviated to other stuff.It's inconsistent.Fuck man!
Then how do I keep it consistent?By fucking up more people and let the better ones fuck me up real bad so that I can LEARN!That's how Joker's mentality and personality works man!
Please possess me,dearest hatred and jealousy...I need you all so badly...Fill my heart and mind with them...please please please.Oh fucking please!
I'm angry again.At my parents.At the way how people think of me.I'm so effeminate sometimes...and I don't know why...
Oh yet I can have the will and pleasure to fuck people up!Fuck you all up.Everyone.Pretty/ugly;young and old.All will be Fucked up Real Bad by Joker.
Hehehe...tick tock.What time is it?
..............
No answer-Hello,yew-hooo!What time is it?
.......
Still no answer?WHAT IS THE FUCKING TIME?WILL SOMEONE FUCKING ANSWER ME?
It's time to sleep dear....you really need rest dearest Joker....rest well and early kz?I love you...and sweetest of dreams dear.Nitez.
Who is that?Is that Her?Why is she being so nice yet cold to me?It fucking hurts in my heart...Joker is human and meat too...He has feelings but all of you broke it...He just wanted to love and he took the bloody initiative to love you guys!
AND GUESS WHAT DID ALL OF YOU FUCKING DO?YOU FUCKING REJECTED HIM AND CAST HIM ASIDE,CASTING POOR BELOVED JOKER ASIDE AND ABANDONING HIS FEELINGS,MAKING HIM FEEL SO HELPLESS AND USELESS AND ISOLATED.
AND NOW,YOU ALL HAVE TO PAY THE PRICE.JOKER TRIED TO BE SO GOOD AND SWEET BUT YOU ALL TOOK FUCKING ADVANTAGE!
YOU FUCKING FORCED HIM TO BE BAD.He didn't wanna be actually...but you all forced him...You all pushed him to the edge.
Even a worm will turn...If God can sacrifice,why can't I?
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
5:05 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
Oh my....I'm so touched...Liyana actually missed me and we talked for the first time in such a long time!Couldn't believe it when she told me how much she missed me...I actually thought our bond ended long ago...just like the others did.
I seriously couldn't be happier...I miss her so much...
Just so much...
Was so damn glad to hear her voice again...and I actually kinda forgot how she sounded for it had been such a long time since last year?At least now I know someone still cares for me?
It's been a really long time since anyone has touched me so deeply...I'm grateful.Perhaps I'm just too emotional?I don't really know....
I know it's hard for some of my guy friends to believe that I'm actually a sensitive and emotional person because I managed to hide all of it...but when I'm alone,I could break down so easily...and I'm feeling so gay.Gosh.
But little did I know,that gals actually find emotional and sensitive guys attractive...but not that sissy to the gay extent.Many gals would respect guys who would dare to cry at the correct time...they find guys of these sort romantic?Oh dear,in my perspective,I think I'm gay.
Gosh and the other day in school when we had the last photo taking session as a class,me and another guy friend decided to 'kiss' during the informal/fun shot.Gosh,I also didn't know why I agreed.Our lips actually like....oh my.I can't bear to describe the feeling.Oh dear.It kinda sick but it's fun hahaz.
Stressed from work is pulling me down,man.Everyone is recommending me to drop Chemistry to combined.They're all brainwashin me man.Fuck man,I don't wanna do so.I don't fucking want.I'm willing to work hard....I believe I can do it.
If the weaker ones can do it,why can't I?If I'm in the first class,that just proves that I've the ability to do it.And everyone has so high expectations of me.I can feel the pressure coming on me.It's crushing me man.But I'm gonna stand strong and keep focused.
There's no short cut in this aspect.Only hard work pays off.And that's what exactly I'm planning to do.
He builds his personality like how They build bombs-
4:06 AMThe Best way out,is always Through-
